Lessons Learned from Golf

A year before we moved to Florida, Dan and I had decided I should learn to play golf. We were looking for something we could do together to relax and de-stress. Then we wound up moving to Florida and for the past few years have been too preoccupied to add another element to our lives. Until a couple months ago. When Nancy Lester, LPGA, offered a free Monday afternoon golf clinic for our church folks, she promised me she could help me actually hit the ball. I know I held a golf club once when we lived in Iowa back in 1984. But I couldn't even remember how to hold one.

So, now I've been going to the driving range for the past couple months, preparing for a March 19 scramble in memory of Cecil Yager, a dear church member who died last year. The week of the tournament I finally stepped on a golf course for the very first time. We played 9 holes at Hidden Creek on Monday and 9 holes on Lake Bernadette on Friday. Then the 9 holes of the scramble at Valley Oaks on Saturday.

Here's what I've learned from my brief encounter with this game.

1. This is the most infuriating game ever invented. This came as no surprise. I always said you'd have to be stupid or bored stiff to try to hit a little ball hundreds of yards into a tiny hole. But I thought it would only be infuriating for a little while. I had no idea that even people who play every week sometimes get frustrated with the game. I never thought in my life I'd be watching golf on television, but now I actually hunt for it. I'm amazed as I watch these professionals hit the ball in the water, in the sand, etc. I never knew they did that! Last week Dan and I watched the movie, "Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius." It was encouraging to see one of golfing's legends completely frustrated with the game he loved. He would become to angry he'd throw his club! I haven't felt quite that bad about it yet, but I have wanted to cry and walk out in the middle of a "game." (We haven't really kept score yet, so technically it's not a game, is it?)

2. I'm learning patience and humility. I am one of those people who is afraid to try new things because I'm afraid of failure. I have always known this was a problem, and I've always known that eventually I would have to try to work through it. Golf is perfect for me. It's humiliating. I have to be patient with myself. But the good news is that I'm getting better. Not necessarily at the golf, but at being patient with myself and not worrying about what someone else thinks about me.

3. I'm learning to enjoy the scenery. The only things I have missed since moving to Florida (besides the Green Bay Packers and some good friends) are lush lawns and hilly vistas. But now I've realized those things are hidden on the golf courses! They're beautiful. I love seeing the water and pretty grasses and perfectly manicured "lawns." So, I'm inclined to go golfing just to enjoy the view.

4. I'm learning more about my husband. Dan is the kindest, most patient man I've ever met. And he's amazing when it comes to golf. He's terrible. But it doesn't diminish his enjoyment of the game. If he hits a good shot, he feels great. He completely forgets about the bad ones. He told me I have to take every shot like it's my first and forget the last one. That's great advice for life, too. And that really is how he lives his life. I enjoy spending time with Dan doing something other than work. Maybe that's one of the hazards of working together. If we're not talking about the church, we're talking about the kids. Now we talk about golf and a whole lot of other things! It's our little escape. Sometimes at lunchtime we'll sneak away to the driving range and split a bucket of balls. It only takes about a half hour, so it's a nice little diversion in the middle of the day. And it's a whole lot healthier than a cheeseburger!

The toughest thing about golf is the expense. We figure we will probably be able to afford only one round of golf a month. I guess that will be our monthly "date" from now on. Luckily, the prices go down in Zephyrhills for the summer, once all the northerners go home. But a bucket of balls at the driving range is only $6. One day last week we splurged and split the huge bucket of balls $10. So, it's cheaper than a movie or lunch or almost anything else we could think to do. And it's refreshing. I guess it's worth the expense.

So, look out. I'm going to practice all summer. I figure I have 20 years before I'm retirement age. Think how good I'll be by then! Think how much I'll have learned. Yet somehow I think I'll still find it the most frustrating game in the world. But I'll have grown because of it.

Thoughts on Terri Shiavo

[Note: Excerpts from this entry (880 words) were published in the March 24, 2005, edition of the Tampa Tribune as an editorial on the Opinion Page.]

Once or twice in our lifetimes we have the opportunity to experience history in the making. But we rarely recognize it at the time.

This is one of those times.

Years from now historians and theologians will be looking back to the events of this past week as a pivotal moment in the history of the United States. It marks a monumental shift in our collective attitude toward the physically handicapped and the sanctity of life.

Please indulge me while I share some random thoughts on Terri Shiavo and her desperate situation. For some unknown reason her heart stopped 15 years ago, resulting in irreversible brain damage. She has been diagnosed as being in a "persistent vegetative state," though doctors disagree over whether or not she has any chance of improvement. Her husband wanted her feeding tube removed so she could die peacefully, which he believes is her wish (based on a comment made while watching a television show years ago). Her parents feel otherwise. They believe they still have a meaningful relationship with Terri and that her life still has value. They believe she does not want to die now. Today a federal judge denied the parents' request to re-insert a feeding tube that was removed at the end of last week by court order, ending years of court battles and flying in the face of congress, the President, and state lawmakers.

When I was a very young adult, I distinctly remember thinking that I'd rather be dead than paralyzed (the story of Karen Ann Quinlan was on everyone's mind back then). I also remember my mother telling us that she wanted to die before she reached 60. How perspectives change depending on our circumstances. My mom is now 63, and I think she sees her age as an asset, not a liability. If she were incapacitated because of an accident, I don't think she'd appreciate it if I opted for "pulling the plug" because she told everyone years ago she'd rather not live at this age. And now that I'm a little older and wiser, I am sure God would give me the grace to live through the challenge of a physical disability. So, the fact that Terri Shiavo made a comment during a movie that she'd rather die than be kept alive on a machine (and she's NOT being kept alive by any machine) is a non-issue.

I find it interesting the perspectives people have on being starved to death. Michael Shiavo's lawyer said on the news last night that it's a peaceful way to die. He also said that Terri has no conscious thought, so there will be no suffering at all as we understand it. She is not aware of anything happening to her. If that is true, then how is she suffering by being kept alive? If this lawyer is correct, then she has no consious thoughts like, "I wish they would just let me die." Being kept alive isn't cruel if they're correct. However, if any one of us chose to starve a cat or dog to death as a means of putting them out of their misery, we would be hauled off to court by the animal rights activists. It's cruel to starve an animal but not a human being? I don't quite understand that one!

Any way, while I'm speaking of animals... let me throw this one out. Many people have said that we are more merciful with dying animals than with dying people. We would never permit an animal to live on and on for so many years in such a state. They believe it's cruel to force a person to continue to live this way. First, I think this is where we need to acknowledge that the life of a human being is of greater value than that of an animal. But there's also a deeper spiritual issue here. Let me explain.

In the Garden of Eden, God gave mankind dominion over all the animals of the earth. That meant we were given authority over them and also the responsibility to care for them. In some respects, we are their "god." We have the responsibility to determine when they live and when they die. That goes for hunting them for food, putting them out of their pain when they're severely inured or too old, etc. We are the ones who are put in the position to make such life and death decisions. It's a responsibility given to us by God. But God never gave us dominion over one another (except to decree the death penalty for certain crimes, carrying out God's judgment in the way He prescribed). We don't have the right to take on God's role. He is the One who decides when someone lives or dies. We acknowledge His sovereignty. We yield control to Him. We place ourselves at His mercy and trust Him to do what is best and right and just. Who are we to question His ways? Terri's heart stopped once. If God was ready to take her home, it could and would stop again, regardless of whether or not she has a feeding tube. The fact that she's still here is an attestation to God's will for her life.

Sometimes the lives we live aren't for US at all. There are times God keeps us on this earth to do something for or in someone else. Family members learn unconditional, selfless love; they learn the blessing of caregiving. There are character traits that are never developed in us until we experience tragedy. That holds true for Terri's parents and for Terri as well. Who knows what is really going on in her mind? All the speculation in the world is irrelevant when it comes to God. How do we know He is not conversing with her, comforting her, drawing her heart to Him? How do we know she is ready to meet her Maker? God is doing something in Terri. He's doing something in her parents. To short-circuit the process is to thumb our noses at God and to tell Him we know more than He does and we are more loving than He is. We are more merciful. We are more gracious. Who do we think we are?

Terri's husband has lambasted the "government" for getting involved in a personal family matter. Let me just say, if the whole family agreed, the government wouldn't have to step in. One person opts for death and the other opts for life. The "government" stepped in when the case was taken to the courts. And who are they to decide whether a person should live or die -- a person who has committed no crime, a person who has no terminal illness, a person who is not being kept alive by any machine.

My son had an interesting observation. He said people are being kept alive by machines all the time. We call them pacemakers. Will we eventually get to the point where we would rather let someone die than put in a pacemaker to keep them alive artificially, by machine? I guess we all better think twice before signing that living will.

Years ago I remember watching a missionary film about Marilyn Laslo and her ministry among the Sepik Iwam people of Papua New Guinea. One scene in the film has stayed with me all these years. Marilyn almost lost her ministry because of this incident. This group of people believed that life was in the throat (we think of life being in the heart). Consequently, if a person is unable to speak, they're not alive. I don't remember what happened to Marilyn's closest friend in the village, but she was very sick and could no longer speak. She was still moving. Her eyes were open. But he villagers held a funeral procession and buried her alive. Marilyn was beside herself. She knew a doctor could help. But these people didn't understand. I believe we are those Sepik Iwam people. Terri Schiavo can't communicate with us. How do we know she has no "life"? The simple fact is that we have no idea what is going through her mind. We all think we wouldn't want to live that way, so we project our own feelings on to Terri and believe she'd rather be dead than alive as she is. We believe her life has no value at all. She's already dead in our eyes. So, what's the harm in starving her to death?

Don't think we haven't stepped on a slippery slope. I wouldn't want to live with Down's Syndrome. Will it be acceptable one day to let children born with this deformity simply starve to death in the hospital delivery room? What if they're born with Cystic Fibrosis or some other disease? If we decide life isn't important, where will this lead us? If a relative is severly injured in an accident and will be paralyzed, will we be opting to withhold food and water to "get it over with"? I can't help but believe we are somehow cheapening life here. And I shudder at where this will take us down the road.

Terri will probably die within a few days. I pray God will give peace to her and her family. And I pray He will spare us the judgment that we deserve as a country for allowing this to happen.

Thoughts on Lent

Do you usually give up something for Lent? I never did as a kid or young adult, but now I usually do. This year I gave up something dear to my heart, something that takes up a considerable amount of time, something I knew I'd miss: talk radio. Yes, I admit it. I'm a Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Bud Heddinger junkie. I love hearing about politics and popular culture. I love the arguing (often me arguing with a caller or host) and the mental challenge. But I do believe those kinds of programs make me more surly than I should be as a Christian. And they tie me to a world I'm called to be in but not of. So, as I have often done, I gave it all up for Lent. This year I have been very conscious of the fact that it's not in my life. I've been listening to the Christian radio station and have found myself much encouraged by the preachers and musicians. I have found myself growing closer to Christ this Lenten season than ever before. I've been challenged in new ways and my thoughts are on Him almost all the time now.

So, have I learned anything from this? Yes. I don't think I'll go back to my daily dose of talk radio when Lent is over. I have enjoyed this way too much. Maybe I'll listen just once a week so I know what's happening in my world, but I'll stick with the Christian station so I am constantly reminded what's most important.

Which leaves me with a dilemma. What will I give up next year?

I'm Back

I can hardly believe it's been more than 4 months since I've blogged. It's not that I haven't had any thoughts. But this is the busy season in Florida. Four out of every five of our church attendees are snowbirds. They arrive in November and December and start returning north in March and April. So, here's what I've been doing: Writing.

In November and December I worked on writing a manual for a computer program my sister's company is developing. Of course, that involved me actually learning the program, helping to debug it and then figuring out a way to make it easy for others to understand. I made this project top priority, since my sister wanted the product on the market ASAP and asked for the manual to be done at the end of the year. I finished late New Year's Eve. As far as I know nothing has been done with the manual and they are making loads of changes to the program, which means somewhere down the line I'll need to start all over.

On to project two: my least favorite type of writing. More devotionals for Light from the Word for Wesleyan Publishing House. I so much dislike the discipline of writing with such a small word count, but it's a good mental exercise for me. I finished those in just a couple weeks in February.

The Big Project. I was asked back in November sometime to write one of the new Lectio Divina Bible studies coming out from WPH. They're doing four volumes this year and four next. Not knowing much about Lectio Divina, I spent considerable time in December and January just reading about this type of "divine reading" and doing it myself to get a feel for it. I read books about various saints and other inspirational books just to get myself into the frame of mind for this more contemplative, mystical and meditative type of study. This is not at all what I'm used to (I usually write Bible commentaries!). For a writer, this assignment was very restrictive... 25-40 words for this section, 30-50 for the next, 125-175 for another, 500-600 for the meditation, 50 words for prayer, etc. etc. I'm sure I made it a lot harder than it was supposed to be. But I guess that's how I always am when it comes to the Word of God. I want what I write to be faithful to the text and deeply meaningful to the person who reads it. (So unlike my blogging!) I'll be honest and tell you that I agonized over this writing assignment. I finally finished my good rough draft on March 4 and the final draft on March 8. No other assignment has ever felt so good upon completion. I feel such a great sense of accomplishment just for having conquered the discipline of the written word.

My mother-in-law commented the other day how I have always seemed to keep busy with writing. But, I have never really written anything with the intention of having it published (other than a couple devotionals I did as a result of a writer's workshop I once attended). My very first published article was one I wrote for the old Wesleyan Woman magazine. JoAnn Drury had asked me to send her an article for that, and I did. After that, she asked me to write a series of 12 lengthy devotionals for the Wesleyan Women International yearly handbook. Which I did. Then Jerry Pence and Marlin Mull called from HQ to ask if I'd write the 40 Days of Prayer and Fasting material that year (Building a Household of Faith). I did. Next thing I knew Darlene Teague was asking me to write Bible commentaries for the Teacher Helps magazine. And a love affair was born. That's my favorite type of writing by far. I just love researching Bible passages and trying to make them clear to teachers. Somewhere in all that I had my Through the Bible published, but that's the subject of another blog someday.

In some ways I hate writing. But as long as someone asks me to do it, I'll keep plugging away at it, inept as I feel most of the time. Now that my mind is free from the chain of the approaching deadline, I can fill you in on what I've been thinking in my spare time. Read on...